


I've Got You

by dragonwings948



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode AU: s08e11-12 Dark Water/Death in Heaven, Episode: s08e11-12 Dark Water/Death in Heaven, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Male-Female Friendship, Post-Episode: s08e12 Death in Heaven
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-11-07
Packaged: 2018-12-31 11:15:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12131256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonwings948/pseuds/dragonwings948
Summary: What would have happened if Clara had told the Doctor the truth that Danny didn't come back? Would the Doctor be able to comfort his best friend? Where would their relationship go from there?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a long time ago, just after Death in Heaven aired, so I decided to polish it up and post it on here. It was inspired by a dream that I had; the scene from my dream will show up in the last chapter of the fic. Enjoy! :)

            Clara stared down at her fingers and drummed them on the table in front of her. She wasn’t exactly sure why there were butterflies in her stomach or why her palms were starting to sweat. Maybe because telling the Doctor about Danny would make it too real. Maybe because she was afraid that he would cast her off and tell her she was being too emotional, leaving her alone once more.

            She heard the bell in the café jingle and knew, without looking up, that it was him. His intentional gait and dark clothes were so familiar to her now that she would know them anywhere.

            “Hey,” the Doctor said as he approached, grabbing the chair across from her.

            Clara looked up at him and forced cheerfulness into her voice. “Hey!” Her body relaxed as she took in his familiar face. She had missed him and needed him now more than ever, and here he finally was, after days and days of waiting.

            “I got your message.” He sat down, acting as if she had left him a voicemail on the TARDIS yesterday.

            She pointed an accusing look at him. “Two weeks late.”

            He folded his hands on top of the table. “Not bad.”

            “Improving,” she agreed, trying to smile a little.

            There was a short lull in the conversation, which wasn’t normal for them. Clara wondered, then, if he had something weighing on him too.

            The Doctor suddenly smiled, pointing at the bracelet around her wrist. “I see you’ve got news for me.”

            Clara wondered at his amused expression. “News?” She looked down at her bracelet and grasped it with her hand, trying to hold down the tears. She had been wearing it for two weeks now to remember Danny’s sacrifice, to remember what she had lost, but she hadn’t decided yet whether remembering was a blessing or a curse.

            “He figured it out, then. P.E. figured out there was a way home.” The Doctor’s easygoing manner implied that he hadn’t guessed the whole story.

            Clara nodded, unable to tear her gaze from the bracelet as that night came back to her. “Yeah. Yeah, he did.”

            The Doctor’s smile widened. “Oh, well good old P.E.! He’ll make a maths teacher yet.” There was a laugh in his voice, an uncharacteristic laugh. He was never this cheerful, not unless…unless he was trying to force it like she was. But what could the Doctor have to hide?

            Still, Clara couldn’t meet his eyes. “Listen, Doctor, there’s um…” She swallowed hard to combat the tears which were threatening to surface and leaned forward onto her arms. “…there’s something I have to tell you and, um…” She pressed her lips together, sighed, and finally met his gaze, but she could only do so for a moment before she had to look down again. “It’s…it’s not good news so just…just listen, okay?” Here it was. She had to tell him now.

            The Doctor nodded. “I know.”

            Clara looked up at him, not comprehending how he could understand. If he knew what had happened to Danny, he wouldn’t be acting like this. “Sorry?”

            “I know exactly what you’ve got to tell me,” he said, confidence saturating his tone.

            He seemed so sure that he knew what had happened. Did he, really? Clara sat up straighter at the thought. “You-you do?”

            “You and Danny are together now…”

            The phrase sent a wave of pain through her. Did he really think that all of this would have such a perfect, happy ending?

            “…that’s great, that’s how it should be, but the old man and the blue box, that’s never going to fit in. So no more flying around. No more lying.”

            Clara focused on the table and shook her head. “Okay, no, that’s not exactly…”

            “It’s fine,” the Doctor assured.

            “No, it’s not fine,” she countered, her voice rising in volume. Did he really think, if that were the case, that she would do that to him, her best friend? Was he really so stubborn to believe that she had her happy ending that he wouldn’t let her just tell him? “It-it really isn’t…” She shook her head. “…fine.” It was now or never, she knew. She looked up at the Doctor. His mouth was slightly open like he was about to say something, but she didn’t care.

            “Danny didn’t come back.”

            The Doctor’s mouth clapped shut as he leaned back in his chair. His eyes widened with shock. “What? But you said-”

            Clara looked down at the bracelet again, twisting it around her wrist. “He figured it out, yeah.” She nodded, the familiar sting of tears pricking at her eyes. Her voice pitched up an octave. “But he didn’t come back.”

            The Doctor’s brow furrowed in concern and wonder as he stared at her.

            Clara took in a deep breath to steady herself. “He sent back a boy, Doctor.”

            His expression looked even more confused.

            “A boy he killed in Afghanistan.”

            The Doctor gripped the edge of the table, his face relaxing as his lips formed the word “Oh.”

            Clara felt a tear escape and track down her cheek, but she quickly wiped it away with her hand. “He said he had promises to keep.”

            “P.E….” The Doctor held his face in his hands, shaking his head. “Oh, P.E.” He sighed, his gaze resting on Clara again. She waited for the derisive comment about her eyes, or the crying, or just being human in general.

            But the Doctor, for once, was silent. After a few moments he raised an eyebrow at her. “I don’t suppose you’d fancy a trip in the TARDIS?”

            They were the words that she had been longing to hear. “Yes,” she breathed immediately. “God, yes.” She wanted nothing more than to get away from the Earth, the planet Danny had lived and breathed on.

            Clara stood up right then, grabbing her coat from her chair. The Doctor looked up at her in question as she started to walk away. She made it to the café door before the Doctor’s long strides overtook her shorter ones and he reached for the key in his coat pocket. He walked into the TARDIS first, only holding the door open long enough for Clara to grab it herself.

            Walking into the TARDIS was like a breath of fresh air. Unlike her apartment, where memories of Danny were in everywhere she looked, the TARDIS reminded her of a whole different set of memories with the Doctor. Still just inside the doorway, Clara already felt lighter.

            She followed the Doctor to the console, running her fingers over the controls. The familiar feel made her forget about her tears and sadness, if only for a moment.

            “Are you sure about this?” the Doctor asked from across the console, his expression distorted by the time rotor running through the middle of the room.

            “Absolutely.” Seeing the amazing universe at work would surely get her mind off of what she had lost.

            At least, she hoped it would.

            “Show me something amazing.”


	2. Chapter 2

            “So why are we here, exactly?” Clara stared at the vast city in the valley below her, the towering skyscrapers gleaming silver in the light of seven moons. Plenty of noise, mostly chatter, drifted up to her ears, but what struck her the most was that there were no lights shining anywhere in the city. In fact, there were no lights of any kind for miles. If it weren’t for the moons, she wouldn’t be able to see a thing.

            “Power out or something?” she tried asking the Doctor again, turning to call over her shoulder.

            The Doctor shut the TARDIS door and buried his hands in his pockets. With a solemn air, he strolled to her side and looked up. “The stars.”

            Clara looked over at him in question, then followed his gaze to the sky where thousands upon thousands of twinkling dots stood bright against the black expanse of space. “O…kay. Stars. Lovely.”

            “The answer to both of your questions.”

            She raised her eyebrows at him and he rolled his eyes.

           “You asked why we’re here and why the lights are out. _The stars.”_

Clara crossed her arms as a cool breeze blew across the hill. She directed her gaze upward once more. Of course the stars were beautiful, but she still didn’t understand how they answered her questions.

            “It’s that one, there.” The Doctor bumped her shoulder with his and pointed up at the stars.

            Clara leaned into the point of contact, letting her mind wander for just a moment. She was so infinitely grateful for him, more than she could ever tell him. Without him, she would be falling apart right now. Without him, she didn’t know what she would do.

            “You’re not even looking. You told me to show you something amazing and you’re not even looking at it!”

            Smiling to herself, Clara rested her head against his shoulder and followed his finger with her eyes. She noticed one star that was much bigger than all of the others, shining a bright blue and surrounded by rings of red. “What’s it doing?”

            “Dying.” He lowered his arm and stepped to the side, depriving Clara of her support. “It’s the biggest star in the universe right now and it’s about to explode.” One corner of his mouth turned up in a smile.

            _Dying._ She never realized how cold, how real the word was until two weeks ago. It would never mean the same thing again.

            “But it’s dying.” She looked at the Doctor to find he was staring at her with wide eyes, as if she had insulted the whole trip. “Isn’t that sad?”

            He quirked an eyebrow at her. “Do you know what a star does when it dies? It turns into a supernova and sends shockwaves of energy all over the universe.” He waved his arm over his head to demonstrate. “And that energy creates _new_ stars.” He shrugged. “Or, sometimes it all just collapses in on itself and turns into a black hole, devouring everything and anything around it.”

            Clara turned on him, slightly concerned and entirely not amused by his callousness. “Are we going to be sucked into a black hole?”

            “Oh, no. Not this time, anyway.” He crossed his arms and tilted his head up. “Shush. It’s starting.”

            One moment the star was there, and the next it was a burst of light. Red fire erupted across the sky and a tremor shook the planet. Clara wobbled and grabbed onto the Doctor’s arm for support.

            “The star was so close that they’ve been preparing for this for years,” the Doctor explained in a reverent whisper, his eyes trained on the wonder above them. “The planet is surrounded by an invisible barrier to keep out the fire, though not the shockwave, it seems. And any moment now they should…”

            A sound rose from the city: thousands, perhaps even millions of voices put together. They began to sing a slow dirge in beautiful, rich voices like angels in a type of harmony and music that Clara had never heard before. The lyrics sounded like English in her ears, and she wished that for just a moment she could hear what the song sounded like in their own language.

            _O beautiful star, so mighty and bright_

_Tonight is your end_

_You’ve shone upon us for so long_

_But now your journey is done_

_Bring not the hole of black abyss,_

_But grant us with more stars in your dying wake_

_O beautiful star, so mighty and bright…_

The burning sky was blurred in Clara’s vision as the song went on. The sadness of it all only made her think of her own sorrows once more. She had always thought that the universe meant life, but perhaps she had been wrong this whole time.

            Maybe everything pointed to death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the depressing ending to the chapter but the next one will be up soon! There is hope! :)


	3. Chapter 3

            “How was that for amazing?” the Doctor asked, grinning as he looked over at Clara.

            He was smiling. _Smiling._ How could he act so flippant and remain so aloof when he knew, he _knew_ what she was going through? He had lost people too; people he loved, people who met tragic ends because they traveled with him.

            Maybe his change had made him forget, but Clara certainly didn’t. She would never forget the tears in the Doctor’s eyes when he told her about Sarah Jane, Rose Tyler, Donna Noble, Amy and Rory, and the countless others who had come before them. She would always remember the day he looked at her and said, _“I did it, Clara. I destroyed Gallifrey.”_ He had lived with that grief for hundreds of years before finding any hope. He had to know how she felt.

            “Clara?”

            She didn’t look at him, but instead trained her gaze on the fading fire in the sky. “What do you do?” she whispered, her voice trembling.

            The Doctor’s wide eyes and furrowed brow were visible from her peripheral vision. “What do you mean?”

            “What do you do when you…” Clara closed her eyes for a moment and pressed her lips together. Tears escaped from beneath her closed eyelids as she finally brought herself to say it. “…when you lose someone you love?” She turned her head and took in the Doctor’s cautious and confused expression. “And I don’t want your opinion, I want to know what _you_ do.”

            His mouth hung open slightly for a moment before he replied, softly, “The truth?”

            Clara nodded and sniffed as she blinked more tears past her eyes.

            “I run.”

            A short, sarcastic bark of a laugh made its way out of her mouth, though it turned into a strangled sob. “That doesn’t surprise me.”

            The Doctor’s gaze intensified, his jaw taut as he clenched his hands into fists at his sides. His words tumbled out in a passionate rush. “I run so far and for so long that I forget who I am. I lose myself in the universe and fill every moment with something, anything other than my memories, my grief.”

            “So that’s what I’m supposed to do?” She turned the rest of her body to face him, copying his stance. “Run away with you until I forget about him?”

            “Oh, no.” He turned away from her and sighed, looking up at the now cleared sky. “Clara, Clara,” he muttered, suddenly turning on her. “Don’t you see?” he asked, his voice rising in volume. “Haven’t you figure out by now that the universe is _cruel?”_ He shook his head, a sarcastic smile forming on his lips. “You can never forget,” he said with a bitter laugh. “No matter how many things you see, no matter how hard you try, you can never, ever forget!” His chest rose and fell as he took in hard, rapid breaths.

            If Clara hadn’t lost anything, if she didn’t need him, his outburst might have stunned her. But not now, when she was determined to get an answer from him. She leaned her weight forward and looked him straight in the eye. “Then tell me.” She took a steadying breath, fresh tears creating wet trails down her cheeks. “You’re supposed to be a doctor, so tell me how to fix this!” She pressed her hand over her heart, digging her fingernails past the fabric of her sweater and into her skin so hard that it hurt.

            The Doctor stepped forward and grabbed her shoulders. “Clara.” He said her name with authority, commanding her attention. “The second time I met you, in Victorian London, I was still grieving over Amy and Rory. I ran for hundreds of years, always wanting to forget every memory of them, always regretting, always cowering away from the pain.” His grip on her relaxed the smallest bit, and his expression slackened. “It was only when I realized I could never run far enough, when I stopped and accepted my grief, that I found you, Clara Oswald. My impossible girl.”

            The weight of his words took Clara’s breath away. He was rarely this open and sincere, and he certainly had never called her by the nickname the other Doctor had used so fondly. Clara even thought, as she looked into his eyes, that she could see her old Doctor smiling at her. Sometimes she forgot that this was still him. He was still the one who had entrusted her with his darkest secrets, the one who had reached for her hand when the pain had been too much.

            “So here are the Doctor’s orders,” he continued. “You stop running, stop bottling it up. You let yourself cry and accept that Danny’s gone.”

            A sob escaped Clara’s lips and she looked down.

            “But you remember that he gave his life for everyone on Earth. And most of all…” His hand left her shoulder and he tapped her chin lightly. Clara met his earnest gaze through blurry vision. “You don’t give up hope.”

            Clara shook her head. It seemed like an impossible feat. “How? How do I do it? You told me that when I found you up on that cloud you weren’t you. You’d forgotten who you were.”

            A small smile twitched at the Doctor’s lips. “And have you forgotten who made me remember?” He shook her gently. “You.” He straightened and released her from his hold, standing back and crossing his arms over his chest. “So I don’t know how you’re going to do it, but I do know that you won’t do it alone.” He said it slowly, carefully, as if the words themselves could break.

            Clara stared at him in wonder. Could this really be the Doctor? Was it really possible to have a friend like him?

            She knew he didn’t like hugs, but this time, she really didn’t care.

            Clara threw her arms around him, standing on her toes so that her chin rested on his shoulder. She felt the Doctor go stiff.

            “Er…I meant what I said, but I think the hugging is going a bit too far.”

            Clara smiled to herself and squeezed him tighter. “Well that’s just too bad, isn’t it?” But she did pull away after a moment, knowing he might take back everything he had just said if she didn’t let go of him. A yawn came unbidden to her mouth, and a wave of drowsiness came over her.

            “My guess is you haven’t had much sleep in the past two weeks,” the Doctor observed. “Not good for a human.”

            “Your guess is correct.” Clara used her sleeve to wipe away the last traces of her tears as the Doctor turned and strode toward the TARDIS.

            “As usual,” he said over his shoulder as he pushed open the door.

            “Debatable,” she muttered as she came up behind him.

            The Doctor paused in the doorway and turned his head. “I heard that, you know.”

            Clara nudged him inside and followed him in, shutting the door behind her. “Yeah, I know.”

            “Get some sleep,” the Doctor said as he walked toward the console. “It’ll help.”

            Clara stopped just to the side of him as he began fiddling with the controls. “Doctor?”

            He didn’t react, except to hum, “Hm?”

            “Thank you.” She placed a hand on his arm. He froze. “I mean it. Without you I…don’t know what I’d do.”

            There was complete silence for a few moments, other than the quiet rumblings of the TARDIS. The Doctor just stared at the console’s monitor.

            “I’m not a good man, Clara. Don’t pretend like I am.”

            “A good man helps his friends when they need him.” She squeezed his arm and smiled at him, though she wasn’t sure if he saw it. “Goodnight.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm soooo sorry this has taken so long! I hope you enjoy it!

            The Doctor hopped up the stairs from underneath the TARDIS console as he felt the consciousness of his time and space machine nudging at his mind. “Yes, what is it?”

            The time rotor whirred in response.

“I wouldn’t expect her to be sleeping well.” The Doctor dug his hands into his pockets and strolled toward the controls. Ever since he had changed, the TARDIS had begun to especially care about Clara for some strange reason. It wasn’t the first time she had voiced concerns about his companion, but he didn’t know what she wanted _him_ to do about it.

            As if reading his thoughts, which, in all fairness, she just about could, the TARDIS told him exactly what she thought he should do.

“Seriously?” he laughed. “You want me to go in there? Did you see what she would have done to _your_ keys?” He waved a hand as he bent over the controls. “She’s like a ticking emotional bomb, just waiting to explode.” His fingers absently fiddled with the controls, though his mind was really dwelling in the past. “Maybe once I would have,” he added, softer, “but this is a new me, a new face. Domestic is really not my area.”

            The console heated up in an instant, singeing the Doctor’s fingers. “Ouch!” He pulled away from the controls and furrowed his brow at the rotor. “What was that for?”

            The TARDIS beeped angrily.

            “I’m not being unreasonable, I’m just being me. Or have you forgotten who I am now?” He smiled bitterly to himself. “A grouchy old time lord with no hope of ever finding home. What help could I be to her?”

            The noises of the TARDIS grew softer.

The Doctor sighed and leaned forward, cautiously tapping the console to make sure it was cool and then leaning his elbows on the edge. Running his hands through his hair, he remembered the terrible, hopeless feeling overwhelming him enough that he would hurt his TARDIS. The first time this version of him had ever shed any tears. The one time he shouldn’t have hoped.

            “Yes, that was me a few days ago, but she’s lost her boyfriend, not an entire planet.”

            The TARDIS sent a thought his way, one that made the Doctor straighten and clench his jaw. The question was an insult. “Have I… _forgotten?” Forgotten_ everyone he had lost? How could he ever, _ever_ forget? “You, who have seen me at my darkest moments; you, who have seen every version of me; you, who have always been there for me; how could you even ask that question?”

            She shot back with a quick retort through the bright light that flashed in the time rotor.

            “Just because I told her she wouldn’t be alone it doesn’t mean I have to comfort her every waking moment. I’m letting her stay in the TARDIS, but I think I’ve been emotional enough for one day.” The Doctor stepped away from the console, expecting another outburst from the TARDIS. She said nothing, but as in tune as he was with her, he could sense her probing question. He shook his head and sighed again. “Of course I remember when I needed her,” he muttered.

_You still need her, and she needs you._

            The words of the TARDIS echoed in his head. However much he didn’t want to admit it, it was true. Who else could understand him like she did?

            The Doctor rapped the TARDIS monitor with his knuckles, resulting in a shocked noise from the TARDIS. “Why do you always do this to me? Maybe you should be the Doctor instead.” He turned and made his way toward the corridor and called over his shoulder, “Then you’d be the one having to face a human girl with raging hormones.” He walked out the door before the TARDIS could say anything back.

            The clopping of his footsteps seemed to echo for miles in the endless TARDIS hallway. The Doctor walked at a slow pace, his mind racing, trying to think of what to say to Clara. He was no good at this, the whole comforting thing. Why the TARDIS thought he could make Clara’s sorrow any better, he had no idea.

            Clara’s door came up on the right and the Doctor slowed, listening to the creaking of his shoes as he stopped. With slow, hesitant movements, the Doctor tapped his knuckles on the door.

            “Clara?”

            He waited a few moments, but there was no response. He started to turn away, but then the door slid open on its own. Growling at the TARDIS under his breath, the Doctor walked into Clara’s dark room. The door closed with a soft whoosh behind him.

            “Clara?” he asked again in a softer voice, nearing the edge of her bed. Her trembling form was curled up underneath a blanket, facing away from him.

            She rolled over after a moment, revealing her puffy eyes, disheveled hair, and blotchy cheeks. She sniffed again as she looked at him, her eyes expressing gratitude at his presence though there wasn’t even the faintest shadow of a smile on her face.

            “Quite a mess, aren’t you?” The words slipped out of his mouth before he could even really think. Again, proof that this visit would only make things worse.

            Clara didn’t say a word, but she blinked, and tears tracked down her face. She breathed in a shaking breath and just looked at him, waiting.

            Maybe, just maybe, there was one thing he could do.

            The Doctor turned his back to her and walked a few paces away from her bed.

            “What are you going to do?” she asked in a strained, pitiful voice. “Leave me?”

            “No.” The Doctor turned on the spot and opened his arms open to her.

            Clara stared at him for a few seconds, her eyes narrowing like she didn’t believe it.

            “Well come on,” he urged, waving her forward. “I’m not going to stand here all day.”

            Her expression softened. She pushed away her comforter and jumped out of bed, running into the Doctor’s arms. Hugging him around the neck, she held him tight.

            Just this once, the Doctor returned the embrace.

            “Please,” she said with a crack in her voice. “Please don’t leave me, Doctor.”

            “Well I’m not going stand here and hug you all night, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

            “No, wouldn’t dream of it,” Clara replied, some of her normal, playful tone reviving in her voice. “I just…need you here.”

            _She needs you._

He could never refuse that cry for help.

            “Okay.”

            Clara pulled away from him, hanging onto his shoulders as her dilated pupils stared at him. “What?”

            “Have you lost your hearing too? I said ‘okay.’”

            She sighed, her expression relaxing. “Don’t suppose you’d be up for another hug, would you?”

            “I think two in one day is enough.”

            “Fair enough.” She squeezed his shoulders. “Look, Doctor, I know this isn’t your thing so…thank you.”

            He shrugged. “It’s not like I have to sleep anyway.” But really he didn’t mind, because he was beginning to wonder if what the TARDIS had said was true.

            _You still need her._

“Doctor?” Clara’s voice strengthened even more, bringing his attention back to her. She looked into his eyes, her brow furrowed in concern. “I’ve been so focused on myself that I didn’t even notice.”

            The Doctor forgot, sometimes, how well she knew him. “Notice what?”

            “Your eyes.” Her eyes flicked back and forth between his. “The same eyes you always have when something’s wrong.”

            The Doctor let out a long breath through his nose, remembering how much he had wished Clara was there with him when he hadn’t found Gallifrey. Maybe it wasn’t too late.

            “Missy was lying,” he said slowly, gauging her reaction. “Gallifrey is still lost.”

            Clara’s eyes widened and a look of defeat and sorrow came over her expression. “Doctor…”

            He let her hug him again because this time _he_ was the one who needed it.

            “I know it doesn’t even begin to cover it,” she said quietly into his ear, “but I’m so... _so_ sorry.”

            “I’m starting to think I’ll never find it. Shows how helpful I was in saving it in the first place,” he said with a heartless chuckle.

            “Hey.” Clara pulled away from him, her red-rimmed eyes determined. “You told me to have hope. I think you need to take your own advice, Doctor.”

            The Doctor shook his head. “But I’m still alone.”

            “Well.” Clara crossed her arms over her chest, smiling just the smallest bit. “You’ve still got me.”

            “Yeah.” He allowed himself to smile, only a little. He didn’t know what he would do without her. “I’ve got you.”

           

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with this fic, guys! :) I really do apologise for the wait. Just so you know, this is what I'm working on currently: 
> 
> -Stranger Things post S2 fic (Eleven centric): first chapter up within the next couple weeks hopefully!   
> -Meta-Crisis Doctor and Rose fic: probably going to begin posting early next year; it's very long and I'm still editing!


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